Rasputin (Happy Birthday To Kolko Braginski!)
by chinas-little-hetalian
Summary: a funny oneshot about China and Belarus trying to outdo eachother and win Russias affections to the song Rasputin by Boney M.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOLKO!

the song "Rasputin" belongs to the band Boney M, and Hetalia and all of its characters are property of Hidekaz Himaruya. i own nothing but the plotline of this story. Please dont sue me! Enjoy!

Today was Russia's birthday. In honor of the occasion the Baltics, China, and Belarus all were planning a surprise for him. China came out of a door that was behind Russia, wearing a trenchcoat. He looked like he had gained about ten pounds, he was hiding something underneath. "Come with me, aru! We have a surprise for you!" he smiles to his friend, who looks him over questioningly, then stands to follow him. They walked down a dark hallway, arriving in a darkened theater. "sit here, aru" china instructed, motioning to a single armchair. Suddenly, a spotlight appeared on the stage, and the Baltics all were standing at the center. They were all dressed in trenchcoats. Russian-esque music began to play, which then became a type of eighties funk, and the Baltics ripped off the suits. Now adorned in gold bell bottom pants and matching tops, they began to sing.

_(BALTICS) There lived a certain man, in Russia long ago_

Belarus came out, wearing a tight black pair of bell bottoms and a low black top that matched. She grabbed lithuania's microphone. She smiled at Russia, then pushed the Baltics out of her way. Russia looked away, only to notice that China had disappeared.

_(BELARUS) He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow_

The Baltics cowered behind her.

_(BALTICS) Most people looked at him with terror and in fear_

_ (BELARUS) But to Moscow chicks she was such a lovely dear_

_He could preach the bible like a preacher  
Full of ecstacy and fire  
But he also was the kind of teacher  
Women would desire_

Belarus winked at him suggestively, blowing him a was then pushed onto the stage, wearing a Russian dress that was a style usually worn by queens/czars. He is blushing horribly. Belarus is giving him the evil eye, glaring at him with a flame in her eyes. He nervously began to sing too.

_(CHINA) RA RA RASPUTIN  
Lover of the Russian queen_

_(BEARUS) There was a cat that really was gone  
RA RA RASPUTIN  
Russia's greatest love machine  
It was a shame how he carried on_

Belarus glared intently at china with this line, then pushed him. China balanced easily, steadying himself. He glared back at her, grabbing her sleeve, he pulled them both off the stage. They wound up on either side of Russia.

_(BALTICS) He ruled the Russian land and never mind the czar  
(BELARUS) But the kasachok he danced really wunderbar  
(BALTICS) In all affairs of state he was the man to please  
(BELARUS) But he was real great when he had a girl to squeeze_

China smirked at Belarus, then grabbed Russia's chin in his hand, turning Russia's head to face him.

_(CHINA) For the queen he was no wheeler dealer  
Though she'd heard the things he'd done  
She believed he was a holy healer  
Who would heal her son_

_(ESTONIA) But when his drinking and lusting and his hunger  
for power became known to more and more people,  
the demands to do something about this outrageous  
man became louder and louder._

Estonia pushed up his glasses, grinning. The other Baltics stepped back into the spotlight.

_(BALTICS) "This man's just got to go!" declared his enemies  
(BELARUS) But the ladies begged "Don't you try to do it, please"  
(BALTICS) No doubt this Rasputin had lots of hidden _

_charms  
(BELARUS AND CHINA) Though he was a brute they just fell into his arms_

Both Belarus and China leaned against Russia. Russia seems a little uncomfortable, staring at Belarus with a fearful look. China slid onto his lap

_ (BELARUS) Then one night some men of higher standing  
Set a trap, they're not to blame  
"Come to visit us" they kept demanding  
And he really came_

Belarus has a crazed look in her lifts up her top a little, revealing a belt with knives tucked under it just for China to see. He gulps, then proceeds to sing again.

_(CHINA) RA RA RASPUTIN  
Lover of the Russian queen  
(BELARUS) They put some poison into his wine  
RA RA RASPUTIN  
Russia's greatest love machine  
He drank it all and he said "I feel fine"_

Belarus handed him a glass of wine. Russia slapped it out of her hand.

_(CHINA) RA RA RASPUTIN  
Lover of the Russian queen  
(BELARUS) They didn't quit, they wanted his head  
RA RA RASPUTIN  
Russia's greatest love machine  
And so they shot him till he was dead_

Belarus pulled out a knife and was aiming at China's head, about to throw it. She pulled her arm back, then Lithuania grabbed her arm, pulling her into his chest and kissing her cheek.

"_oh, those Russians, aru.."_ China said softly, leaning up to Russia and kissing his lips.


End file.
